“Before the death of a loved one realise that their mortal time is limited”
Be physically present
Make sure that you are available and contactable.
Make sure that your phone is kept silent or do not disturb.
Do your utmost to be with them in person.
It may be that they say that you don’t need to come to visit, as they don’t want to burden or shock you, or take you from your work.
They may downplay the extent of their illness – but still make your way to be with them.
Try to find transport that is as direct as possible and get there as soon as you can.
This will come at a cost financially, but money is something that comes and goes, but your family and the emotions attached to the decision you make do not.
If you have work, take time off and drop everything. This will require effort to coordinate with the relevant departments.
You will not sleep or eat well during this period.
Organise food rotas and food for everyone.
Ask if they want to send messages or video call people to particular people.
Bedside Care & Comfort
- Hearing & Speech: Hearing often remains intact even when speech fades. Hearing aids are awkward in bed. Speak slowly, clearly, and close to their ear. Keep facial expressions gentle and reassuring.
- Paper & Pencil: Keep a notepad or mobile phone with voice recorder handy. Record final wishes, memories, and brief thoughts during lucid moments for family history.
- Physical Touch: Hold their hand, stroke their arm, or kiss their forehead when arriving and leaving. Familiar touch eases distress.
Estrangement from parents is the physical and emotional distancing or complete separation from them. Family members may have become estranged for various often unknown, unfounded reasons.
A family member will have to contact the estranged family member. Decide beforehand who will do this.
Give them hope
Remain positive in the face of the biggest trial they are facing. Immediately / First Hours After Death
Think positively about Allah.
You will no doubt be emotional yourself in this very difficult time.
Try your best to be brave and remember that this time is about them not you.
They come first.
Don’t do anything that may upset them further such as crying or arguing in front of them.Family conflict
Help them sort out their affairs
It is crucial that at this point you make sure that everything is in place.
Ask them to sort out their inheritance.Islamic Inheritance (Mirath)
Ask them to sort out their will.What Happens if You Die Without a Will? (The Rules of Intestacy)
Do they have a lasting power of attorney (LPA)? LPA is a legal document that lets the ‘donor’ appoint one or more people (known as ‘attorneys’) to help make decisions or to make decisions on their behalf.Probate / Estate Administration/ Role of Executors
Useful in case of accident or an illness and cannot make own decisions or lack mental capacity.Probate / Estate Administration/ Role of Executors
There are 2 types of LPA: Applying to register an LPA costs £92.
https://www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney
1. Health and Welfare- daily routine washing, dressing, eating, medical care, moving into a care home, life-sustaining treatment.
2. Property and Financial affairs- gives an attorney the power to make decisions about money and property for donors- managing a bank account, paying bills, collecting benefits or a pension, selling a home.
The Rights of Allah. Huqooq Allah.
Fulfil the Rights of your Creator first, and then give attention to the creation.
Any outstanding obligations which can be made up for should be done so immediately.
Any missed fasts
The family should make any missed Zakat payments.
Hajj by proxy (Hajj Badal)
The importance of prayer
If the person is of sound mind, they can and should perform salah.
They can pray to the best of their ability by sitting down, lying down, or with their eyes only.
If someone is unable to make wudhu with water, they can perform tayammum.
Dry Ablution (Tayammum): If using water causes pain or is impossible, dry ablution with a clean stone or unglazed clay tile is valid and preserves prayer dignity. Amazon sell Tayammum Kits, Pure Mud for Dry Ablution
Detailed steps of Tayammum
- Intention (Niyyah): Make an intention in your heart to purify yourself for prayer
(Salah). - Recite “Bismillah”: Begin by saying “Bismillah” (In the name of Allah).
- Strike the ground: Lightly strike the palms of both hands on a clean, dust-bearing
surface like sand, rock, or earth. - Dust your hands: Blow off any excess dust from your hands.
- Wipe your face: Using both hands, wipe your entire face from top to bottom, including
your eyebrows. - Wipe your hands: Wipe the back of your right hand with your left hand, from the wrist
to the fingertips. Then, wipe the back of your left hand with your right hand in the same
way. - Finish: Proceed with your prayer or other acts of worship.Ghusl (ritual washing) details & FAQ about who can perform Ghusl
Making Tawbah
Seeking forgiveness for our shortcomings and faults is something that is only possible whilst we are alive.
Cleanse your heart from wrong intentions.
Encourage reciting the Shahadah before they die. However, it may be that they try and say it continuously and this is straining on the dying person.What Benefits the Deceased
Others’ personal rights. Huqooq Ibad
Responsibilities that we owe to other people.
We all have said and acted in ways, intentionally or unintentionally, causing harm and distress to others.Family conflict
Asking others to pardon and overlook injury caused.
Do not have to specifically mention the act or statement, especially if this would cause further harm.
Help to heal old wounds before death.
Others’ financial rights.
Any unsettled debts should be repaid to lenders.A sudden or unexpected death is extremely hard to process emotionally.
End-of-Life Decisions: DNR & Life Support
End-of-Life Care: DNR Orders & Life Support in Islam are discssed on the next page.